3

I expect a lot out of people I don't know.

By saying I expect a lot, that's not what I mean. What I mean is that I create their morals and ideologies to fit my perception of their reasons for living.

When I met Corrine, I already had the trivia that she indeed was a mother. When I found out she had similar music tastes as me, I perceived her as being a new thing.

A revolutionary wife.

A revolutionary mother.

A revolutionary girl.

Not saying she isn't, but she is normal. Just how I am normal.

Too often I want to hype things up in my mind to create something real. I crave heartache.

I crave friction. 

I crave hurt.

That's it, that's all I want. 

I want beautiful relationships, and then I want them to die.

Not only to die, but to fall terribly. 

This is unrealistic, but sadly, very much how my mind works. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be content or settled. 

Maybe not content, because 'content' isn't necessarily a terrible thing.

But 'settled', that is something I can't deal with.

I am going to say it now, I want a life.

I WANT A LIFE.

I WANT A WIFE.

I WANT A JOB.

I WANT TO BE A FATHER.

I WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE MY BEST FRIENDS RIGHT NOW BE IN MY WEDDING PARTY.

I want everything to work out fine.

And they will.