16

I am being comforted by the sounds of the television in the next room, where my mother is watching a program.

The reason this gives me peace is because I know that she is in there, while I am in here. It's that simple. 

She will not come into the living room (where I am) and ask me "What's going on?" or, "How was your day?", when she really might worry whether or not I'm alright, or depressed; more or less, 'out of it'.

I do love her.

What I don't really love is the amount of money I spent today. I don't like myself for that. 

I finally got around to paying for my broken computer screen today and although I had a lovely time driving around greater Tampa by myself, I dropped off $306.45 at the Screw Box, a local Mac repair shop. 

I'm glad it's working. But.

I'm also paying for:

-a child in Uganda, of which I have yet to begin contact with, that I might have to cancel, (as cold hearted as that sounds) $38/month

-tuition (roughly $1,000 dollars this semester, due to the miscommunication of my scholarship and my school)

- gas money ($60 a month, in a car with no air conditioning)

-clothes ($50 for this jacket, which at the actual store is $69, so that I can justify... file:///Users/matthewdodenhoff/Pictures/iPhoto%20Library/Originals/2009/Aug%2012,%202009/Picture%2021.png

I just don't know. I'm tired of this money thing. I don't think I can buy anything for a while, seeing as how my checking is around $100 right now, and my savings in half of that.

As Kimya Dawson once said...

'Everything is crumbling around me

Why does everything cost so much money

Could somebody please help out my family?'

That is how I feel today.

Aside from that, I had had a wonderful morning. I opened and I had a really good time. I really enjoy what I do there and although sometimes I deal with complete assholes, it's alright.

Honestly, it's ALRIGHT.

I'm doing good right now. Family vacation is around the corner, my body image/self-esteem is high, and like always, congestion is plaguing my nasal cavity. 

All in all, it's alright.

I also went to Urban Outfitters today. I don't see why it's so much money.

And I don't know why they have shirts that say 'socialist' on them. What's so bad about capitalism? Can somebody please tell me?

I guess I'm stupid, or maybe I don't listen to NPR as much as I used to.

Anyways, everytime I go into that store, it seems like I'm the only one. That's frustrating. Why? Because the focus is on you, and I get an overwhelming feeling that I need to buy something, just so the people who work there can keep their jobs. 

Totally irrational. 

But that's the point.

$16 for a shirt I can get at WalMart for $4, or even cheaper if I made it myself.

Maybe I should start making my own clothes. 

I don't see a problem in that. 

This song can easily make me cry, any day, anytime. 

15

I mostly have no focus to write today. I did clean my room, so I believe that's worth explaining. 

I COMPLETELY cleaned out my closet. It is worth it. And my bookcase? Organized.

All that's left is my bed. Not really my bed, just the pile of things that I managed to put on my bed during the cleansing process.

Things like notebooks, picture frames, and pencils can be found there.

Also, my bed is not made, so that grosses me out a little.

My parents came home today and I swear I love them. I wanted them back bad this weekend. But they came back and it seemed like they were tired (which they were), thus, conversation was sparse.

I hope all is well.

Ipod Roulette fye

1.They are Night Zombies!!! They are Neighbors! They Have Come Back From The Dead!!! - Sufjan Stevens

-This song reminds me of the area of time when I first got into Sufjan, probably about three or four years ago. For some reason, I think of fish fries.

2.I Don't Blame You - Cat Power

-The first time I heard this song, I believe I was in my room in Orlando.

3.The Queen's Approach - The Decemberists

4.Tree Tops - Eisley

5.Man On Fire - Good Luck

-All this song reminds me of is:

|Cigarettes

|Whore-lando

|Driving

|Parking Garages

|Practically crying almost every night, not liking where I was.

6.Paper Planes - M.I.A.

-Shoot. I liked M.I.A. before Pineapple Express.

7.Moving On - Kimya Dawson

- I like the fact that Vanessa Carlton sings backup on this song.

8.Sailor Song - Regina Spektor

9. Rebel Girl - Bikini Kill

- This song reminds me of church for some reason, like summertime church, time.

10. Masochist - Ingrid Michealson