Today I did learn a new word. Cachinnate means to laugh.

There are so many new additions and subtractions to my routine. So many things have happened since a while ago, obviously.

I am glad to have a coherent direction (this has been achieved in many ways, like abandoning and being abandoned).

I do feel a sense of empowerment by quitting things. Sure, it does leave a mighty bitter feeling, but knowing that it will afford itself in the end is enough.

I have purposefully ended friendships for the sakes of my own. Delaying the end only makes it more difficult and creates more injustice toward everyone.

It doesn't feel good to feel unwelcome in your own town, church, or home. It is a great stress inside of your stomach to feel the dislike toward yourself from others. The scale should be labeled "pleasing others vs. pleasing yourself, ultimately". Sometimes you cannot just bite the bullet and wait until release is allowed. Sometimes you just need to be the darkness, as long as it ultimately leads to the overall livelihood and wellness of everyone involved. I do want the best for everyone, and I want what is best for me. It is my wish that there could be a more recognizable indicator of the ending of friendships, and there is, but sometimes one person refuses to acknowledge change in the bond, and thus comes tragedy. Mostly, tragedy for the voluntarily blind, but liberation for the one disposing it.

I really don't want to be incredibly morbid, and this is the first post I have completed in a very long time, so I will it on a mirthful manner. Joanna Newsom played in Tampa last night, and I was fortunate enough to have seen it. The show itself was truly a spectacle, Ms. Newsom playing alongside two violinists, a trombone, and two other very, talented men. And to add the créme de la créme, I was able to make acquaintance with Joanna, herself. Naturally I was bashful, but she was a wonderful woman who knew my heart as we muddled through conversation. It was as if I was spit-drunk and intoxicatedly stumbling through my harangue. She was beyond polite, and before I knew it, I was falling asleep on a pillow. Wonderful!

Topics to touch up on next post? 1. The rush of emotions leaving college has / 2. Becoming an adult.

Cool!

Also, I gave her a envelope at 2:04. Inside was a letter of appreciation outlining the amount of thanks I have for her works. Much more mature than a doll... dammit. Why did I not think of that.

21

Jack S.!

I just woke up, and I have to work in like 35 minutes, so excuse the wrong grammer/spelling/general.

My dream included lots of things but also included you. I was at a retreat and I was with CCM. It just so happened that some girl I knew from high school was having a birthday party, and so I felt like I should go. She never really had any friends. She lived with her mom, and they were poor. No one else showed up, really. God this is sounding like a country song.

Anyways, I Was walking back to somewhere, I don't know, and i saw you walking from the church. I was like, "Yeah! Jack!". In one split second, I ran into a car door, which I was then scared/surprised to see you inside the car, laughing/smiling with that same expression you had when I took your picture at Audrey's house when you tried to hug me.

Instead of being normal, we both sort of acted like we were taking off our tank tops...yes. Tank tops. And we started doing some sort of wave. Then I pushed up against the car door, and you allowed me. Then I proceeded to swim sideways on the ground, but like fake, I'll try to muster a Youtube video, or I'll show you when I see you next.

Anyways, you then jumped out of the car, punched me in my stomach, and I sack tapped you.

This is stupid. This is the second time you've invaded my dreams. Yet, I can't tell you how happy I was when you punched my stomach. Maybe I was glad it wasn't real pain? What is real pain?

Love you, and love you all.

When I saw this band live, I wanted to cry around the end, when the drums really start going. Something about New Jersey, 1990's, and tight jeans made me want to go out and make punk rock.