21

Jack S.!

I just woke up, and I have to work in like 35 minutes, so excuse the wrong grammer/spelling/general.

My dream included lots of things but also included you. I was at a retreat and I was with CCM. It just so happened that some girl I knew from high school was having a birthday party, and so I felt like I should go. She never really had any friends. She lived with her mom, and they were poor. No one else showed up, really. God this is sounding like a country song.

Anyways, I Was walking back to somewhere, I don't know, and i saw you walking from the church. I was like, "Yeah! Jack!". In one split second, I ran into a car door, which I was then scared/surprised to see you inside the car, laughing/smiling with that same expression you had when I took your picture at Audrey's house when you tried to hug me.

Instead of being normal, we both sort of acted like we were taking off our tank tops...yes. Tank tops. And we started doing some sort of wave. Then I pushed up against the car door, and you allowed me. Then I proceeded to swim sideways on the ground, but like fake, I'll try to muster a Youtube video, or I'll show you when I see you next.

Anyways, you then jumped out of the car, punched me in my stomach, and I sack tapped you.

This is stupid. This is the second time you've invaded my dreams. Yet, I can't tell you how happy I was when you punched my stomach. Maybe I was glad it wasn't real pain? What is real pain?

Love you, and love you all.

When I saw this band live, I wanted to cry around the end, when the drums really start going. Something about New Jersey, 1990's, and tight jeans made me want to go out and make punk rock.

11

I have so many things, and i think it boils down to:

I need to talk to you.

I don't think it's all need though, I believe it's also a little bit of should, and a dash of want.

I'm getting heavy nostalgia, and I can't help it.

It's sometimes pathetic, but other times acceptable. I don't think you can spend a long time cultivating a relationship only to abruptly stop it. 

There's many things I would like to say. 

There's many things I'm not going to say. 

And there's many things I won't say, not because I can't (as in 'I don't feel like it's my place to say _____"), but can't (as in "I don't know how I can correctly form the words to send my message across").

I wish you could understand, as well as me too.

I also wish I could have been more clear in how I spoke, the diction I chose, and the process of how I did it.

But time is time, and time is all around. I can't change how I said things, nor do I want to.

I really would like to talk, and if you're willing, God-willing, I would like to.

On that note, I think I'm better from my day of heavy nostalgia and constant lurking depression.

It's all good (for the most part).

On another note, I had the reoccurring dream AGAIN. This is the second time in two days.

I looked it up and it came up as something like 'repressed sexual energy/depression/lost in myself/depression'.

That's what you get when you dream about being castrated. And trying to get to a hospital, but people run into you time after time again. 

What does my dream mean?

What do my dreams mean?

My goodness, it's late and I must dream. I'm going to write about dreams in my next letter; also, about the day dream I had whilst driving down Nature's Way about a gang killing me.

I swear I'm an upbeat person.